“Yes! Oh anything for a quiet life..”
Feel like you can relate? It can be tough saying “No” to your children. You want to give them the world, but it isn’t always in their best interests.
Saying the word ‘no’ often has an exhausting response, for both you and your child. This can be especially demanding for new parents. Can you bear the crying, the screaming, the tantrums, the guilt and emotional upset? Not to mention the “But you gave me it the last time!” and the pleading with butter-wouldn’t-melt faces. You don’t wanna be a party-pooper but you also want to stand your ground. If you don’t take control though, you could end up with a little monster of your own making!
You give them an inch, they take a mile…
You can easily get stuck in a rut. So your child fancies an extra few mins on their iPad. You kindly agree, because just five minutes can’t hurt. Or can it? So five minutes turns into ten, which then turns into half an hour, which then turns into an hour and before you know it, they have managed to twist you round their finger and manipulate you into letting them do what they want. And guess what? You can bet your bottom dollar that they’ll do it again, if you let them!
You must be firm. Take back control.
Stand up to the mini dictator. Do not fear. You’re in charge, mums and dads, you’ve got this, and we’ve got your back! You must be aware of the importance of gaining back your authority. This is especially important to help your child develop all of the skills they’ll need when it comes to getting out there in the real world. Especially after school and well into adulthood. They’ll encounter people who will say no to them and it may cause issues. How will they cope? Help shape your child’s personality into a great one from an early age. Trust us, you will be glad you did!
Listen to the experts
Experts say that a child’s personality is typically developed around the age of seven years old. Ideally, you want to be teaching your kids good personality habits from as early as possible. It just makes life easier, for everybody. Parents want to see their children happy and would go out of their way to make them smile. If your kids are happy, you are happy but if your kids are hurt or upset, it hurts you to see them that way, especially if it is a direct response to your refusal. It’s an emotional roller-coaster.
But what do you do?
Ok, so your child has asked you for something and you really don’t want to agree to it this time, why not try this tactic? Ask yourself, “Is giving into my child this time going to be a good idea?” and “How is this going to shape them for when they are older, how do I want them to turn out?” If children get everything they want and expect to get it at the exact time they demand it, you’re setting them up for a fall. The onus is on you to teach them that they can’t have everything their own way because this isn’t how the world works. It will also help them to learn appreciation too. They’ll begin to appreciate what they do get, because they don’t get it every time.
Don’t fall for the manipulation tactics
So you have managed it, you’ve said no, but then your child starts behaving like an angel all of a sudden. Don’t be fooled parents! They are trying to manipulate you. Learn to recognise this. They are acting out of character because they want something. Screaming and tantrums haven’t worked. They’ve calmed down and had a think. They have helped to make you a snack, brought you a drink or tidied up all their toys without coaxing. Teach them that again, this isn’t going to work. Don’t give in. Try to understand and recognise the signs when they are trying manipulation tactics and don’t fall for it. Even if you do appreciate their gestures, and would like to reward this behaviour, don’t put yourself out. Perhaps you can’t afford the latest trendy shoes or latest iPhone this week. Let them know that although you appreciate the lovely gesture very much, however the answer is still “No.” Approach it calmly and explain why. Clear communication is key. Stay strong!
Tell us your thoughts!
If you’ve found this blog post interesting, or you would like to share any of your tried and tested parenting tricks or even funny stories with us, we would love to hear from you. Keep your eyes peeled for our next blog post about our upcoming August summer camp and fun day.
Until next time, big love from
Tommy xx
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